Who am I? It's a simple question, right? I am Jessica. Wife to Bradley for almost 7 years. Mom to Alexis (4 1/2 years old) and Blake (14 months). I am a college graduate. I studied Child Development and worked in a preschool for a little while. I was a nanny for many different families. All great jobs and truly my calling in life. Since the birth of my daughter, I have decided to stay home and occasionally take on babysitting jobs in which I can bring my kids along. It works out well for our family. Brad works at UPS to support our family and this arrangement allows me to stay home with the kids. It works.
Our lives are going great right now. We are moving right along in a direction that we like. We have a plan and we are sticking to it. We have two houses right now: one we live in and one we are remodeling. We want to sell both of them and move out of the city. While I do love living in the city and close to everything, I really want my kids to grow up in a small town like I did. I want them to have neighbor kids all around to play with. I want a nice big yard to play in safely. I want them to love their childhood home like I love mine. They are our motivation to get the houses sold and move on with our lives. I go to bed every night, dreaming about what our house will be like, what I will do with the space we hope it will have.
I have decided that 2011 is the year that I am making a change. A lot of changes actually. I have put on a considerable amount of weight from babies and too many years of not taking care of myself. I am sick of feeling so bad about myself. I am sick of having no energy. I am sick of feeling depressed because I hate the way I look and feel. But most of all, I hate the way I haven't been the best mom I could be to Alexis and Blake. It's not fair to them that I am tired, or depressed, or sad, or unmotivated. I am also realizing that Alexis watches me and my every move. She sees the way I feel and I DO NOT want that to affect her growing up and her self esteem and how she feels about herself or me. Blake is such an active little boy and I know that he's not slowing down anytime soon. I need to be able to be active with him, chase after him, and play with him without being tired or wore out. And I really want to get my body back to where it was when Brad and I started dating. I know that he loves me, no matter what. But I would feel so much better about myself if I could get back into shape and feel good about myself and what I wear. I know that Brad would love it because he loves me being happy.
So I joined Weight Watchers in January. And I'm serious about it. And I dusted off the treadmill. And we are like bff's now. And I signed up for a 5K. It's in May and also happens to fall on my 30th birthday. So when I found out the date of the race, I decided that it was a sign that it's time to make a change. It's time to get my life back. So I walk every night. And I'm actually becoming addicted to it. Not in a crazy workout way but it's my quiet time at night, when the kids are in bed. And it's relaxing. And I know it's doing good things. I keep a calendar with my stats from each night of walking and Alexis helps me put stickers on each day I walk. Next week, I should be able to start jogging. I can feel myself getting stronger each week. I am a little disappointed that the scale doesn't show much change but I have noticed it in the way my clothes fit. The jeans I have been wearing since Blake was born are now quite big on me. And my shirts that were snug before are becoming loose on me. This makes me smile and shows me that the scale isn't everything. Which I know. But it's still hard to see it not move too much. I think twice, and even three times, before I put any food in my mouth. And the things that I used to eat....well it's quite appalling and disgusting. I can't believe how much I used to eat and what kinds of things.
I know that I MUST take things one day at a time. One step at a time. And I'm ok with that. Because this is for good. It didn't all come on in one month. It won't go away in one month. I am slowly gaining some self esteem back. And it makes it so much better to have Brad by my side, encouraging me 100%. It's a good thing. A very good thing.
